Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
