You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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