Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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