well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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