you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
