We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.