My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.