Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."