I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.