she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth