I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption