chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER