but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
only you would photoshop your dick
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.