would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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