dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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