We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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