is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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