I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.