I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.