just tell him i said nine months
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea