I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.