true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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