In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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