just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
