hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I bet he comes in French.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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