My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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