im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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