either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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