I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped