Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its not stalking. its research.

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(610): its not stalking. its research. http://tfl.nu/qywi

Replies (21) Good night (3381) Bad night (747)
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(805): View more from California

It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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(805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66

Replies (38) Good night (7295) Bad night (813)
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(408): View more from California

Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.

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(408): Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling. http://tfl.nu/ek2q

Replies (26) Good night (768) Bad night (4300)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

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(413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v

Replies (38) Good night (5960) Bad night (1080)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

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(630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1

Replies (23) Good night (11662) Bad night (996)
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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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(765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc

Replies (81) Good night (16851) Bad night (2764)
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(586): View more from Michigan

She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

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(586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t

Replies (13) Good night (6671) Bad night (1565)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

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(413): then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man. http://tfl.nu/6mq0

Replies (39) Good night (1059) Bad night (11253)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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(513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n

Replies (6) Good night (4374) Bad night (789)
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(206): View more from Washington

Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.

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(206): Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have. http://tfl.nu/w5t0

Replies (5) Good night (2048) Bad night (609)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.

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(603): Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No. http://tfl.nu/243w

Replies (15) Good night (2229) Bad night (901)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.

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(703): Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who. http://tfl.nu/55li

Replies (4) Good night (1192) Bad night (882)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

How was the picnic?

(516): View more from New York

We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.

(413): View more from Massachusetts

Why didn't you put them down?

(516): View more from New York

No beer left behind.

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(413): How was the picnic? (516): We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer. (413): Why didn't you put them down? (516): No beer left behind. http://tfl.nu/j969

Replies (1) Good night (885) Bad night (275)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.

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(303): Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk. http://tfl.nu/7e65

Replies (3) Good night (568) Bad night (235)
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(586): View more from Michigan

I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?

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(586): I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going? http://tfl.nu/v2ci

Replies (5) Good night (683) Bad night (310)

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