Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.