I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?