my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity