Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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  (516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu
  Replies (7) Good night (2153) Bad night (521)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha

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  (702): Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday... (1-702): ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha http://tfl.nu/3d74
  Replies (19) Good night (2634) Bad night (497)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.

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  (740): He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy. http://tfl.nu/j5xn
  Replies (7) Good night (733) Bad night (2818)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.

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  (703): I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is. http://tfl.nu/7kmq
  Replies (53) Good night (768) Bad night (3064)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?

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  (704): but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn? http://tfl.nu/yhjz
  Replies (16) Good night (5585) Bad night (680)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.

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  (313): I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before. http://tfl.nu/lr8m
  Replies (14) Good night (1628) Bad night (3397)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

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  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6672) Bad night (778)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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  (412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9
  Replies (9) Good night (4255) Bad night (1263)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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  (+44): That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard. http://tfl.nu/cdhm
  Replies (20) Good night (4801) Bad night (729)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.

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  (563): Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed. http://tfl.nu/cilo
  Replies (63) Good night (3316) Bad night (750)
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  (776): View more from

  My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.

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  (776): My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today. http://tfl.nu/rxf7
  Replies (0) Good night (1014) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.

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  (508): Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess. http://tfl.nu/kvya
  Replies (7) Good night (1682) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.

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  (647): Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms. http://tfl.nu/bqwg
  Replies (5) Good night (562) Bad night (245)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party

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  (775): He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party http://tfl.nu/btv9
  Replies (8) Good night (479) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.

  (510): View more from California

  See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed

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  (916): She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true. (510): See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed http://tfl.nu/tsp4
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (184)

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