Texts From Last Night

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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

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  (307): Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding. http://tfl.nu/82eq
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  (904): View more from Florida

  youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb

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  (904): youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb http://tfl.nu/7q2n
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?

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  (757): Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode? http://tfl.nu/1peu
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  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

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  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
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  (760): View more from California

  when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

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  (760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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  (336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg
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  (805): View more from California

  Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.

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  (805): Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face. http://tfl.nu/ins1
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  (212): View more from New York

  My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

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  (212): My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing. http://tfl.nu/8vqg
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  (530): View more from California

  We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.

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  (530): We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes. http://tfl.nu/38if
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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  (360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn
  Replies (15) Good night (5220) Bad night (1400)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Was he satisfied?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No, and very vocal about it.

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  (416): I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home (647): Was he satisfied? (416): No, and very vocal about it. http://tfl.nu/h3jb
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.

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  (216): It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing. http://tfl.nu/gc3o
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains

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  (919): the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains http://tfl.nu/cfm9
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away

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  (864): Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night? (803): You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away http://tfl.nu/jmsz
  Replies (0) Good night (908) Bad night (166)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."

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  (361): Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again." http://tfl.nu/1lne
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