Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...

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(914): View more from New York

Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

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(512): View more from Texas

Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?

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(214): View more from Texas

could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(301): View more from Maryland

I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.

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(207): View more from Maine

That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you get your crutches off the street sign?

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(970): View more from Colorado

The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.

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(807): View more from Ontario

I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!

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