Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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