i was born a porn star she said
I don't think brook has ever known best
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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