Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
kristin has been a bad kristin
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
