I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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