I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
