How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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