East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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