i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize