TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
