Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize