Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
