we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.