forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
