drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
