So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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