your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
