So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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