Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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