just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
