I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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