Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
