does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she peed on how many people?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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