Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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