What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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