Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My cat gives me a boner
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.