how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.