i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.