You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..