this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.