i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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