There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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