im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well you can't waste a boner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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