508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
