we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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