are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
whose ass print is on the piano?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
