What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Two words: blizzard sex
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
