My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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