someone threw a dead crab at me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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